🔗 Share this article Balancing my Yearning for Casual Encounters While Pursuing a Meaningful Relationship As a gay man in my late 40s, my life has involved many, mostly enjoyable years engaging in casual sex with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I was in a serious relationship that lasted four years, however I never felt completely content, in that I didn't experience love nor sexually nourished. The fact is that my constant desire has been for casual sex. Whenever I begin seeing any man, when the initial excitement fades, I always get the urge to be intimate with new partners again. Reflecting on the Possibility of Monogamy I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to sustain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that numerous homosexual males engage in open relationships, but from my observations, they appear like hard work, frequently resulting in lots of heartache and envy among all parties. To a large extent, I want another man to love me while allowing me to remain sexually free, but I fear the psychological toll this might create. Is it best to keep having casual sex and accept that a lasting partnership is not possible? I’m feeling somewhat confused. Each individual's intimate path fluctuates. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your capacity to tolerate different types of intimate connections as fixed. Your needs in your current state may well change in the future; at a certain time you may find yourself less ambivalent and find greater understanding and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. At some point you might meet a person offering a transformative opportunity to you through mirroring your desires completely … and at another point you might decide that casual connections are best for you. Worrying about the future and engaging in the “What if?” game is simply rooted in fear and squandering of your efforts. Try to be present in your relationships, and recognize the worth of each person you connect with intimately an intimate bond. If and when you are ever ready to strengthen true intimacy with one partner, it will be clear. The psychotherapist practices as a US-based therapy professional focusing on treating intimacy issues.