These Words given by A Dad That Rescued Us during my time as a Brand-New Father

"I think I was just trying to survive for twelve months."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience quickly turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health issues around the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver as well as caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I handled all the nights, each diaper… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct phrases "You're not in a good place. You must get support. What can I do to help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His situation is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While the public is now more comfortable discussing the stress on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his struggles are symptomatic of a broader inability to talk amongst men, who often hold onto harmful notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It is not a sign of failure to ask for help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men often don't want to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the space to request a pause - spending a couple of days away, outside of the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he had to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions as well as the logistical chores of looking after a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she needed" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotional life and make sense of his parenting choices.

The notion of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen was without stable male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, profound emotional pain caused his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "bad actions" when he was younger to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as escapism from the hurt.

"You gravitate to behaviours that are harmful," he explains. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - when you are swamped, confide in a family member, your partner or a professional what you're going through. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical stuff - eating well, staying active and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - hearing about their stories, the challenges, along with the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help is not failure - looking after yourself is the most effective way you can support your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the loss, having not spoken to him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead give the safety and nurturing he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men because they faced their struggles, altered how they express themselves, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… sitting with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I said, on occasion I feel like my role is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are in this journey."